Sunday, November 26, 2006

Irrational fear is normal, right?

Right? Ugh. Sometimes, I wish I could just switch my brain off. But no ..... the traiterous little collection of cells just keeps working overtime. Now I've started thinking what-if. What-if something's wrong with the baby? What-if something goes wrong with the baby? What-if ... what-if ... what-if ... and I know it's unhealthy and I just can't help myself.
Never mind the fact that at the midwife's last visit the baby's heartbeat was good and strong, or that physically I've been feeling pretty good. Oh, no. None of that MATTERS to my tiny brain.
Anyone got an off-switch? Anyone ... anyone ...
Work still continues to frustrate the unmentionables out of me, and I haven't heard a peep about the job yet. Allegedly, there was supposed to be a decision last week.
Ha! I say, ha!
But now I'm not even sure if I want the job! It's a deputy position, and I know whoever does get it will end up doing a lot of the stuff the head of that position is supposed to do, because the one we have now, barely does anything related to that position. And he doesn't listen. He persists in giving one person stuff to check, even though they're not really qualified to do it and he's been told to stop. And if he keeps doing it when a deputy is appointed? What the hell is the point?
I'm coming to the conclusion that whoever gets that job is going to need to be a bit of an a**hole, and I"m not sure I have that in me.
So, much like the trailer for the Simpsons movie, I'm banging my head between an rock and a hard place, because all I'm thinking about is either work or the baby.
At this rate, I'm going to disappear altogether.


Blogger Little Grey Cat said...

Hi Maree

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but the 'what ifs' dont stop until the moment you've got that baby in your arms ... then they start all over again but with different 'what ifs'. I loved being pregnant but I was paranoid the whole way through that something would be/go wrong. It's natural and another of those pregnancy side effects that nobody tells you about :o) But all that said, isn't it just a wonderful feeling to know that you've created a little life that is growing inside you and because of you. Just you wait until baby starts moving around and kicking you - you'll love it! Don't be in a rush to have baby either cos you'll so miss that feeling in your tum when he/she's born. Savour those last few weeks of pregnancy because that's the last time baby will be 'all yours' and you don't have to share. It's just fantastic being pregnant. You wont stop worrying, but enjoy ever moment!

8:05 am  
Blogger Maree said...

Thank you!!! Just hearing that it's 'normal' helps a lot! I thought I was losing my mind!

10:46 am  
Blogger Kip said...

I worry like that, I suppose its easier to worry about all the bad things but just keep thinking of that little life that you made, the time will soon be here for you to see it and know that its perfect x

10:44 pm  
Blogger Little Grey Cat said...

Hiya Maree

You've not posted for a while ... hope you're ok.

Glad I could be of help with my last comment. There's so much about pregnancy you don't get told and don't find out until it's happening to you. Like me these last few weeks ... nobody told me that my hair would fall out in clumps about 3 months after giving birth! I thought I was going bald and was having major hysterics about it but apparently its another of those 'normal' things that happen lol. Please tell my hair that!

8:21 am  

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