Sunday, November 26, 2006

Irrational fear is normal, right?

Right? Ugh. Sometimes, I wish I could just switch my brain off. But no ..... the traiterous little collection of cells just keeps working overtime. Now I've started thinking what-if. What-if something's wrong with the baby? What-if something goes wrong with the baby? What-if ... what-if ... what-if ... and I know it's unhealthy and I just can't help myself.
Never mind the fact that at the midwife's last visit the baby's heartbeat was good and strong, or that physically I've been feeling pretty good. Oh, no. None of that MATTERS to my tiny brain.
Anyone got an off-switch? Anyone ... anyone ...
Work still continues to frustrate the unmentionables out of me, and I haven't heard a peep about the job yet. Allegedly, there was supposed to be a decision last week.
Ha! I say, ha!
But now I'm not even sure if I want the job! It's a deputy position, and I know whoever does get it will end up doing a lot of the stuff the head of that position is supposed to do, because the one we have now, barely does anything related to that position. And he doesn't listen. He persists in giving one person stuff to check, even though they're not really qualified to do it and he's been told to stop. And if he keeps doing it when a deputy is appointed? What the hell is the point?
I'm coming to the conclusion that whoever gets that job is going to need to be a bit of an a**hole, and I"m not sure I have that in me.
So, much like the trailer for the Simpsons movie, I'm banging my head between an rock and a hard place, because all I'm thinking about is either work or the baby.
At this rate, I'm going to disappear altogether.

Friday, November 17, 2006

hammer hammer hammer

J is doing something obscure to a very old desk that involves a lot of hammering. I'll be glad when he's done. We did very grown-up things yesterday, ordered a cot (crib) that's going to be delivered in a couple of weeks and bought a new drier after our old one decided it had had enough of living.
So then I bought a Paddington Bear hooded towel. I was so excited to find Paddington stuff, you have no idea. It seems like ALL of the baby stuff is Disney Disney Disney. I have nothing against Disney as such but I'm not really enamoured of the Disney Pooh Bear stuff (although I was very excited to find A A Milne Pooh Bear merchandise), so finding Paddington Bear was very exciting.
I also bought threads for the project I want to do for the baby's room ... so I have a feeling I may fall off the 10-project challenge.
It's not a ''baby'' pattern but has lovely bright and sunny colours. It's of a cat (what else?) sleeping in a window :)
What else. I had a terribly vivid dream that I nearly lost Scouty, who is our mad cat but she has a special place for me, because we got her on the day of the funeral of the woman from my work who trained me. She died of cancer :(
So I woke up very anxious
and J had to reassure me that Scouty was okay.
Last but not least ... how beautiful is this? I love old-world maps ... of the World&price=41.99&itemtype=counted cross stitch kit

Friday, November 10, 2006

Friday on my mind (again)

I'm turning into the Friday Poster for some reason. I have no idea why. Had an interesting week.
We heard Iggy's heartbeat properly for the first time on Tuesday when the midwife came around. Which was exciting ... but all J did was stand there and kind of peer at my stomach with his ears. So, after that, we both had a bad day. Me, because he didn't react the way I wanted him to in my head. Him ... see above. As he put it ''if I had just held your hand, none of this would have happened'' ... or words to that effect. *Sigh*.
It's such a stupid thing. It really is. He's doing pretty much everything right, and I know I'm lucky _ he does all the housework and the cooking at the moment, and all I do is go to work, pay the bills and sit on the couch growing a baby (he works part time). He's not as ... surface-excited as I am. But he's engaged and interested and all the good stuff. He's not one for showing excitement anyway, so I don't know why I thought he'd automatically change now.
We've started on the baby's room - moving stuff etc. We've also moved Scouty's food bowl from our room (the windowsill) to the hallway. She's not happy about it at all, but she will eat out there. She's basically living in our room, so that's going to be ... challenging.
Once the bowl was moved though, the solution came to me. We can shut the other cats out of that part of the house, put a cat bed in the hallway and then shut the door to the baby's room. Scouty won't like it at all but you do what you have to, right?
Work has been ... I'd like to say fun but I'm lying. I worked two 1-8 shifts this week, helping in features and was bored out of my tree both days, so that was fun (Ha!)
The old saying is true - the more things change, the more they stay the same. Seems like we have the same complaints as we always did, we're just applying them to different people. It's just kind of dragging at me at the moment, I guess.
That's it for now, that's all she wrote, as it were.

Friday, November 03, 2006

It's been a year, give or take ...

... since we lost Gizmo.I had honestly never had a cat like him. He had spirit and energy in spades. I also never had a sixth sense about a cat before; and the one thing I knew: we wouldn't have Gizmo for long. I tried to dismiss it because I didn't want it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy but, in the end, I was right. He was only nine months old. But in that nine months, he packed all the living that he could.
And now, funnily enough, all three cats we got since Gizmo, all have some of his traits. Leo has his smoochiness, even a similar style of getting close to your head for a good purr 'n' munch. Merlin has his ridiculously long tail and his trait of reaching up to your hand for a pat. And Piper ... Piper has some of Gizmo's fearlessness.
Gizmo may be gone, but he'll never be forgotten.
The pix have come out in the wrong order: Gizmo is the black cat in the plastic bag, Piper is 'reading' my blog, Leo is the fluff-monster and Merlin is the grey tabby.